Alcoholic Remains

I scrub, clawing at my hands
with rough sponges soaked
in bleach, so that I can
remove any physical trace.
Forgetting that reality is
defined by my mind and that
just because the thick booze is gone
doesn’t mean it never happened.



My past is inked on my skin,
forever eschewed by the rivers of
jagged lines cutting across arms,
memories that once bled from my wrists,
all the while others
highlighted by the imperfections
that shine off-color offering up
variance to an intended
monotone skin.
My emotional scars lay beneath
throwing me off balance,
seen through the subtleties in my
actions that are characteristic of my past,
I wonder if my mirror reflects
those hidden thoughts, once buried,
and each time I wonder if I should just
remember to forget.

Our Conversations

Sometimes when you are talking I,
I close my eyes and allow myself to
drift away, float on the syllables of your words
and be carried away by the harmonic tones of your voice
if only for a minute while I,
I feed my soul from the sweet, delicate sounds that
resound off your lips echoing in my head
making me no longer a fugitive to my woes, instead now
free, my mind focused on nothing, relaxing to the
warm embrace your everyday song,
until it is my turn and I forget how to speak for fear that I,
I will ruin your song and return to my reality.


We are all here waiting
for you to arrive.

Yet as you take your time
nature slows down and stops to smell,

The roses which have yet to grow since
you decided to take your time in coming.

Yet when you arrive we will rejoice
forgetting entirely that you made us wait.

Since that is just how human
emotions work.

Both for each other and
towards nature and life in general.

If we can, we forget, sheath, hide away
the negative and see only what we want.

Rude Awakening

I wake up to my alarm clock
Instead of to your message.
The knowing that you don’t care
Leaves a void in my soul.My mind wrestles to fill it
Thinking of the tasks for the day ahead.

Without avail,
My mind traces back to how you
Woke up and forgot me,
Or did you forget?

Was it your intention?
What did I do wrong
What should I do right?

I will myself fully awake,
Now completely conscious of my
Singleness, loneliness, my emptiness
That was once plural, accompanied, filled
A day ago.

It sinks in,
The words that were said,
The pain that I unconsciously numbed
Myself  from, for mere emotional protection.

But it’s inevitable
And I tear up but
I stop myself
“Men don’t cry”
I whisper half-stuttering.

Collecting myself I make it to
The bathroom mirror.

I look pathetic, but outward
Never tell the truth.

I splash my face with water,
Put on my mask and smile.

And now I wait for my
Sudden unrequited love void
To be filled when someone braves
To take that chance.